I Cry ...

My Dad once took us ( Victor and I) to the village to spend a few days with his mother, at her request. He was building his house In the village then while working in Kafanchan. He went to K10 (Fadan Kagoma) daily. The roads were good, so it was a 15-20minute drive. 

I remember Victor being all excited and painting the town red while I, though very unhappy, tried to keep a cheerful demure, being the older one. We were about 8 and 6 years old.

At night, as I lay in bed, I cried my heart out without Grandma knowing. I slept on the 6 spings spare bed in Grandma's room. Looking back, I can't even remember where he slept.

That boy! He was always adventurous.  

Grandma said my bed was so tidy, I barely turned at night, meaning I must have been exhausted with plenty of activities the day before, not knowing I'd cried most of the night. 

*Boarding school.*

Jesu! 

I cried every time I had to leave home for school, till I graduated.

Whether my parents were taking me or the driver dropping me, or even if I was going by public transport, once they dropped me off at the bus station, that final bye-bye... I'd always cry at the final goodbye. 

I  hate goodbyes of any kind. Temporal or permanent. Permanent especially. 

Growing up, I'd cry if my parents travelled for a day and left us behind. I won't be normal till they came back.

On my first visit, Mum threatened not to visit again if I had to cry every time. 

Did I stop? Naaaa! 

Did she visit? Of course yes! 

Daddy had an official assignment one time in Lagos and he branched to see me in Ogbomoso. It was a school day. Mrs Ilori (late) called me to the Introductory Technology laboratory. I was pleasantly surprised. 

He didn't bring everything I needed, you see it was an impromptu trip. I wasn't part of the plan, but Mum🤗 had quickly packed some things for him to bring to me, so he had no choice. 

She couldn't put everything together at short notice, she asked him to ensure he got them🤪. 

When he asked if I needed any other thing, I answered in the affirmative. After I  listed everything, all this man could say was  

"I don't have the money". Kwot?!? (expression of shock and disbelief)! I stood looking at him, shocked. 

How can he say he doesn't have money?

His PA, uncle Luka intervened,

"Honourable, ka ba ta mana (honourable, give her)," persuading him to meet my demands.

Do you know what my Daddy (I don't want to call him agbaya) did?

I was already a big girl fa, SS2 I think. Almost finishing secondary school. In fact, I had just a year to go.

My Dad laughed and then said in response to his PA, "I wanted her to cry first."

Chai! This man finished me!

You see why I'm tempted to call him agbaya Daddy?

He wanted me to cry. 

That day, I stilled my heart and made sure I didn't shed a single tear even when he was leaving. I made up my mind to begin to work on and get a grip of my emotions.

I think I got it from my Fadiya side (Remember Fadiya? My mum's village? As tough as they are,  they are also very quick to tears).

My maternal Grandfather, his brothers... 

Of all things to inherit, na the "Dam of tears."

You can even be telling me a story and I'd shed tears for the person I don't even know and may never meet.

The persons telling me have ended up confused. Some have had to stop midway 😁😂😃😁😂😄to ask what the matter was.

Phew! Kimby! 

It has embarrassed me several times but it has also paved the ways for me many times too. So I guess it's not all bad.

On one occasion I had an issue at the bank. The date of birth was mixed up and they said my birth certificate wasn't enough, I had to go get an affidavit from the court. It was already 3:30pm. 

I was so upset because I had a deadline. I was holding myself, you know 😂. I put a very tight lid on my emotions.

That's how I took a bike from FCMB Kakuri (they directed me) to a customary court in Nasarawa. Alighting from the bike, the person in charge said he was just closing. I actually met him on his way out. 

He made the mistake of asking if there was a problem! Hmmm. Na so dam break! 

A flood of tears. I couldn't even talk. This man led me back to his office, gave me a seat and waited for me. When I was calm I told him the problem😜😝. 

I'm just wondering, do you read everything I write? If yes, comment below. Write a big YES before you drop your comment😆😂🤣

He was like, "Ha! You scared me ooo. It's a simple thing now. I'll do it for you right away. Don't worry". 

Lord! 

I was out of there in less than five minutes.

You see, maybe if "Fadiya" hadn't shown up, he would have asked me to come back the next day and that would have cost me dearly but, my tears paved the way. 

My mum banned me from watching "The Holocaust", that old movie about the annihilation of the Jews. She didn't understand why I'd cry every time I watched and still sit to watch whenever it's being watched.  So she forbade me😉😄 Phew!!!

I've learnt to accept my "weakness" as strength! It has helped me where my strength has failed.

It has led me to believe in and trust the one greater than I. 

It is the reason I can pray to the Greater One.

It is the reason I understand others, knowing that even the Greatest One of all has low moments.

So, do you have any weakness 😊🤔you'd like to share?

Do you cry or hold it all in? For me, it's therapy sometimes. I let go and let it all out...

Crying is not a sign of weakness but of strength.

Let it out! Let it all out!!