She Worries Too Much, Or So I Thought...

 "Why are you seated like that, hand on your cheek looking so lost and far away  AJ? "

Her response didn't make sense. 

"You won't understand it now. When you are older, you will understand what it means to have challenges." Well, she used "problems" but I'm careful with my choice of words.

"Huh?" I responded, her statement not making sense. 

Challenges?  What type of challenges will make me sit down, my palm on my cheek, staring into space?

Taaa! If I hear. I won't have such seasons in my life, I added, so certain that she was only exaggerating as it's typical of her. She does everything with extras. 

If she's happy, it's extra. If she's sad it's extra.

If she's in pain, hmmm, it just has to be extra, I thought. So... How would I get to that point when, unlike her, I'm not a drama queen?

Over twenty years later and I must say she was very correct.

Now I understand and have an idea of what she may have been saying then.

Growing up comes with responsibilities. Responsibilities mean challenges. 

It means you are entrusted with the task of caring for and being concerned about that which you are responsible for. 

It means being accountable. 

Boy, it means making and taking decisions that may earn you a bad name in some quarters and applause in others. 

Adulthood is a piece of whole baggage on its own.

It comes with the good, the bad and the ugly. I mean, how can a parent not feel responsible when something goes wrong with their child or ward?

Now I understand why it seems as if parents always have money when in truth, a lot of them mostly live a life of sacrifice, preserving what they have just in case the need arises. They do without a lot just to save for that rainy day or emergency that may arise.

Growing up means being responsible for not just yourself but for others.

How did our parents do it??? I wondered...

Did they ever enjoy the "dividends" of their many years of work, or were they always working just to ensure "them" kids had a good life?

Constantly ensuring they never went hungry?

I understand all that now.

AJ, I need to sit with you and tell you about challenges now.

You remember AJ, my singing AJ? The one That came back from the village without reaching and bombarded us with the song "Lord you are so good😁...?" 

That same one.

I need to sit with you and tell you about "problems".

I now know that I never would have understood in a million years, no matter how hard you may have tried to explain, if I hadn't waited to grow up and experience some of the things that kept you "hand on cheek, staring into space."

How would I have understood and accepted that a time would come in my life when I would lay awake at night thinking and calculating?

How would I have understood that some things would break me to the point of me just wanting to be alone to nurse my wounds in peace without someone barging into my room, demanding why I'm indoors or even be harassed for not being very welcoming of the guests that were not mine in the first place? Yet courtesy is demanding I be sociable and chit chat with them? 

How would I have understood that all I would have wanted was to be left alone, no company needed and all...

Oh, Lord!  Growing up has its own load! 

Now I know. The baggage has the ability to make you "sit, cheek in your palm, staring into space," temporarily unavailable to reality!

Growing up makes you accountable, not just to yourself, but to those around you. Young or old.

I remember my father used to say to me, "You are the oldest, anything you do, any wrong step and your younger ones will automatically follow suit." 

That was the beginning of responsibility for me.

It also means worrying about what you have or don't have in your wardrobe. The right clothes for the right occasion or even having just enough to be able to change clothes without the few you have been labelled "uniform."

Shoes, accessories, your bank balance, all these are some of the things that look like "problems." He told me years later, how I did a good job being a big sister and setting a good example 💖💗 to my younger ones, and how proud he was of me.

Words on Marble. 

Somethings happen and we may not readily understand or even accept them.

Give it time. It will all fall into place. 

Peradventure it doesn't, shrug it off. Life is too short. Don't complicate it by insisting on understanding what you may get to understand only in the afterlife. 

Above all, LEARN CONTENTMENT. 

Trust me, it will save you from a lot of the "extra problems" that come with "Growing Up."

You don't need to follow trends or fads. 

Be content while striving to be better. 

Leave no room for greed or envy, you will only harm yourself! 

Live life!

Let your life count!

Make a difference in someone else's life💝💝