The Pain Of Seperation

The aquarium suddenly shifted, well, more like moved and then there was an opening the size of the 3ft by 6ftt aquarium, shaped like a rectangle on the wall where the aquarium had been. Water gushed into the apartment from the newly created hole and then in he slides with more water gushing in after him. 

I was startled when he fell to the ground. How is it even possible that he is here? I looked at him, shocked. because I'd been sitting there thinking about him and missing him and then like a dream he is right before me. 

You see, he had been called to war, an impromptu one at that. There was a problem at the port, something to do with the port/sea border or something like that, I think I heard 'an "invasion'. He, along with some other officers and seamen had been sent to go and put a stop to the invasion by the unknown invaders because that is his profession. Marrying a soldier was against all my better judgement, something I said I would never do but here I am, loving him like oxygen, my heart, my everything for him and I can't even imagine life without him, and yet living in constant apprehension. So yeah, duty called and suddenly my baby had to leave. It wasn't funny but I signed up for it the day I agreed to be his wife. 

I met him in the most unlikely of places, a naming ceremony I almost didn't attend, but was hooked because I didn't have a reason valid enough to stop me from attending. I usually don't like to attend gatherings without at least knowing one of my people will be there so that I'm not left looking at people as they get along. Like I said, I was left with no option. She had hooked me like a fish gets hooked and though it wriggles till next year, it will still be pulled out of the water with the fisherman's line...

I must have slept off at some point because it was the sound of my phone ringing that startled me, waking me up at the same time. I dragged myself out of bed to look for the phone. The call ended just when I found the phone. I checked the missed call notification to see whose call I'd missed. "Greg!" It began to ring again, almost immediately. I quickly picked at the first ring.

"Hey..."

That gesture began the most beautiful and meaningful relationship ever in my life.

I was in that state of missing him, seven months later, lying down on the couch In the living room upstairs when the aquarium shifted and there he was, just like that. I'm amazed, looking at him in shock, wondering if our house had a channel that links it to the sea, I mean, he is supposed to be out there, on the sea, yet he slides into the house through the walls... 

"Baby?" The question in his voice jolted me out of the million thoughts racing through my head. "He's here, in the flesh," I thought as I walked into his embrace, smelling his scent. He is here. "My Greg!" I sighed, happy to see him but still shocked at where abi how he was able to pass through the wall into the house. Is the house connected to the mighty water somehow? Is there a tunnel I'm not aware of? I just couldn't wrap my mind around it as there is no water anywhere near us. The picture that played in my mind like a movie, was of him falling into the ocean and then somehow finding his way through the tunnel from South Southern Nigeria, home to me and his kids. Headache-giving thoughts I tell you, I had to drop them at the moment. Well, I'll get to the root of this later, that I know. He's home, that's the most important thing at the moment. I hugged him one more time, "Oh baby, I'm so happy you are home. Why did you come through the wall, how did you get here...?" I couldn't resist asking. He didn't talk but kept smiling as I chatted on and on. I made to hug him again when he winced. That was when I realised that his left shoulder was dislocated making his shoulder look broader and wider than usual on that side. "What happened?" I asked. He was obviously in pain but still managed to tell me what happened. "Make enquiries and see if you can get someone that fixes dislocation to come to fix this as soon as possible. I need to go back to the sea..." 

"But baby you need to rest your head for a day or two"

"No babe. I need to go back immediately, this is my job remember?" I kept quiet and called Yakubu to find out if he knew someone who could fix a dislocation. Yakubu is one of the security guards attached to my family. Yes, he knew someone. The man was called upon and he responded by coming over immediately. 

Drifting into consciousness I started thinking of what to make for breakfast since it's been a while since he was home but I had this crazy feeling at the back of my mind that he wasn't there and truly, he was nowhere to be found. I went around the house looking for him but he was not there. I ran to the living room upstairs to check the aquarium, It couldn't have been fixed but to my amazement, it was back in place, I pushed it to the extent my strength could and like a dream, the wall was fixed. Everything is in place. I was scared at this point. I rushed back to the room to check my phone for the calls to the man who had fixed his dislocated shoulder. Phew! The call was registered, "Praise God" I said making the sign of the cross. That was when I saw the note from him. "Hallelujah! I didn't imagine it all"

"Hey! I had to leave while you slept. The wall has been fixed. I'll see you soon I hope. I love you eternally"

Three days later, while the kids were at play school, he shows up again. This time around it was gunshots. "Ha! How did you get here? Did you get to go back to sea? Were you..." I was perplexed and more confused this time around.

In desperation to save his life, I remembered my neighbour who is a doctor and immediately dialled his number. " I just got back, about to drive into my house. I'm coming over right away." 

"Thank you so much, sir." Thankfully, he carries a Firstaid kit around. 

"These wounds are already infected" he stated. Bullets must have been there for days. "Days? Does that mean he got shot after leaving here?" 

The good doctor took care of him. He not only removed the bullet but also gave him strong antibiotics and painkillers morning and night. He refused the sleeping pills which should have helped him sleep and hasten the healing process. But he rested. This time the kids saw him and were so thrilled, yet they understood daddy wasn't feeling well. They strutted in to check and kiss him at intervals. When fully awake, he'd play with them.

I woke up and everywhere was bright, realising I'd overslept, I turn to get up and there was no trace of Greg. I panicked at first then calmed down realising he could be with the kids so I go to their room and find them still sleeping. All the lights were off and curtains were still drawn, which means he hasn't come out of the room. "The bathroom!" I remembered. Phew! I rushed back into our room and dashed to the bathroom but there was no Greg. "No now," I say to no one in particular getting my phone and checking call logs, again.

All the people I called for the errands I ran for him and their messages were all on my phone. I knew I wasn't dreaming and like the last time, could still perceive his scent on the pillow he'd slept on for days. I still looked around, managing to control myself. But the more I searched the more I realised he was gone. The children coming in to ask of 'dadda' was proof I wasn't losing it. He was here fa, so make una help me, how can there be no trace of him being here at all? Everything he came with was gone, except the medications, which served as proof to my wandering mind. "Well, maybe he cleaned up in order not to leave any other trace he was home. He went back to sea as the officer in charge to find out how things have been out there." I tried to reason, but how did he even get here, how...? I wondered in perplexity.

I was still in that confused state few hours later, while trying to act normal and make breakfast for the kids then Yakubu knocks and comes in. "Yakubu?"

"Good morning ma."

"How are you?"

"I'm fine Ma. Oga said he didn't want to wake you up but will call you. An urgent call came from over there and he had to leave immediately. He..."

"Thank God!" Relief washed over me.

The next morning I woke up feeling better. l prepared and dropped my children off at school then drove back home to try and sort out some clients' orders that were delivered to my address. My dispatcher was already around, he loaded the items into his van and left, or so I thought. While I was still celebrating this feat and progress, there was a knock on the door. "Ah ah, did he forget something?" I wondered, opening the door. "It has to be him. I'm not expecting anyone else and Yakubu isn't back from the pharmacy" He had asked permission to pick up some flu medication.

My gate was locked and could have been accessed only by the man that was supposed to be driving out to make deliveries for me. He hasn't left. I opened the door only to find the Chief of Naval Staff, the Commander and two other Naval officers I don't know at the door. Seeing my shock the Commander explained, 

"We met the dispatch rider going out so..."

"Oh, okay. I just wasn't expecting to see you. You are welcome sirs" I said, courtesying. They nodded. Is it me or are they looking very solemn? They were in some type of mood. The response of the Naval chief nearly set off a loud alarm, but for the fact that Greg left yesterday, fear for catch me. Or???? "Did they find out he was home and they were here to .."

The chief seemed lost for words but when he finally spoke, I calmed down. Greg wasn't in trouble. His voice was calm and soothing. 

"How are you?"

"I'm very well sir, thank you" and led them to the living room. I motioned for them to sit but they remained standing while he asked me 

"is there anyone else at home with you?" Ha! Maybe 'le boo' is really in trouble ooo. 

"No sir. Just me. The kids are in school." He nods and doesn't say anything for a while.

"Sirs, can I get you something to drink?

He looks at me and "is that pity I see in his eyes?" I wondered as he remained silent for... If I'm not mistaken,15 minutes and then clears his throat the hundredth time before speaking "Mrs Kowolo, I regret to inform you that your husband, Lieutenant Commander Gregory Kowolo..."

"Are you okay sir? My husband is not dead. He was here, he just left yesterday, he..." The younger officers who seemed to be of the same rank as my husband both walked towards me and stood by my sides.

"I'm afraid not Madam, Greg is gone. He.."

"No sir, you don't understand, he came here, he was hurt, he had bullet wounds but the doctor next door helped treat him. He was treated and feeling better. He left yesterday morning..." Or "did he die yesterday on his way back ?" I suddenly realised that was a possibility.

The man only shook his head "His body is lying in the morgue, he couldn't have been here because..." he paused and then continued. 

"He and four others got killed while trying to secure our space and ship. They had taken a smaller boat and went round to ambush the enemies from another angle, unfortunately, it was a trap. They didn't see them coming, they were hit while attacking the enemies, their boat exploded after being shot several times and explosives were thrown into...." he sighs. "He couldn't have been here, because we found him and the other four yesterday morning. They have been dead for six days now"

"No sir. Greg was here. You can ask Yakubu, ask my children, ask my neighbour, he treated him, he saw him. He was here" my voice was beginning to shake.

Yakubu walked in and hearing all that was said became afraid. I turn to Yakubu, "Tell them you saw him last when he left here yesterday, in the morning, abi?" I said to Yakubu.

"Yes ma, he said in fear..." Yakubu suddenly couldn't talk and passed out. I began to scream, hitting the Chief on the chest. 

"Sir please, he was here twice, six days ago, he had a dislocated shoulder which was fixed, he left the next day and came back three days later with bullet wounds, it was badly infected but the good doctor treated him. He left yesterday to go back to Bayelsa... "

He just kept shaking his head. "Everything you say is true, he did have a dislocation, the left shoulder to be precise and bullet wounds but he has been under the sea and was only brought out yesterday morning. I'm sorry but Greg is dead and has been for six days" The chief looked concerned or more like, confused. 

"How can she even know this when we just found out yesterday. She keeps saying he was here, how is that even possible?" He wondered.

Ha! How? No, it can't be. I made to run upstairs so I could show them the note he left the first time he came with copies of documents he signed two days ago but one of the officers grabbed me, thinking I was losing my mind or something,

"I just want to show you, people, that he was here, I..." Reality dawned on me. He could really be gone and his body lying in the morgue. I must have been dreaming the whole time. I didn't know that he had come to say goodbye to us in my dreams. You should have just told me so instead of speaking in parables. "But, did the kids also dream? Yakubu?" I began to scream afresh and fell to the ground. I was wailing and shouting; 

"Who asked me to marry this man? I said I would never marry a military man but you didn't let me be, you made me, no, forced me to, and now dear husband, you have left me barely three years after marriage. Where do I start from? You were not returning to work, you were leaving because your body had been found. Chai!!" 

I started screaming again when the realisation of what happened hit me. I used to hear stories of how people who die prematurely appear to loved ones who hadn't heard of their demise but, I never believed it and now, it has happened to me. Greg had been dead all this while, from the first time he came. Jesus! 

My whole body began shaking uncontrollably. Fear. Shock. Denial. While rolling and wailing, my hand hit the coffee table, and the glass broke by the force of the hit, cutting my leg. The sight of my leg bleeding made the younger officers run into the kitchen, where I had a Firstaid kit. The painful feeling of mentholated spirit on my raw flesh made me open my eyes.

Suddenly I was very calm. Fearfully so. Everywhere was quiet. I took my time to assess the situation. My hand was on the side drawer, I looked around and I was in bed, my bed, not some military quarters. I was still feeling the pain of the loss of my husband, thinking of my children when everything became clear, like a movie. 

These words;

...Soldier please oh, please don't go to war,

if they lose you, they only lost one soldier,

But If I lose you, I've lost my whole damn world...

from the song 'Soldier', by Chike, played in my head as the tears spilt and my body shook like I was having a convulsion.

It was all a dream.

Yes you read correctly. It was all but a dream and I'm back in my room, lying down in my bed with the tears still rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably. I wasn't married to any officer and had no kids either. I had been dreaming, a deeply emotional one at that. 

My discussion with Aunty Agie earlier in the day about the officers and soldiers that have been killed in recent years in Nigeria's war with terrorists and bandits, which was a very emotional discussion must have triggered the dream. 

Phew! My subconscious had to replay the discussion and give me 'a taste' of the fear and pain their families and loved ones experience. I lived through their pain in that dream. It's a raw kinda ache, it's deep, it's intensely heavy and painful. it's heartbreaking, it's grave. It's like tearing your heart into a million pieces while you yet watch or cutting you open without sedating you, it's like... 

All these synonyms don't come close to the description of the exact extent of the pain. Words will never be enough to express the feeling except if you have tasted grief before. 

Wow! It was so real!

In memory of all soldiers who died in battle. We will never forget You.

To their loved ones;

My heart goes out to you all. May God's Spirit comfort and console you like only He can on the loss of your sons (some lost only sons, some an only child), husbands, fathers and brothers in this heartless, senseless and seemingly unending war.

I pray for you to find strength, courage and a reason to go on because, Life MUST go on.

One Love🌹🌹🌹

P.S 

This is an excerpt from the full dream. Oh boy! The Full story will be available soon in a book I'm working on. I can't wait to share with you! Details will be communicated to you. 

I thank you for the constant support.